Around 2:30 this morning, I received a chain of text from my ‘best fraaan’/twin. For some of you, if you get text messages early in the morning from your best friend then you may get alarmed. Not I. If something was wrong then she would have asked if I was sleeping. You see, my best friend and I have been besties since 14. Well, I was 14 and she was 13. There’s nothing in the world that we don’t know about each other. If there is something that we don’t know when it’s not because we are purposely trying to keep it from each other.  Seeing that we have been best friends for 10 years, we have both saw each other’s ups and downs in relationships. We met in 8th grade. I had just moved from California and she moved to Austin a few months later. Right off the bat, we had something in common, so we just clicked.  We were both the new kids that weren’t used to being around a lot of…pigmently challenged people. When she got there, she already had a boyfriend from back home. Today, we will call him Ralph. That’s not even close to his real name but I don’t need “Ralph’s” simple behind contacting me. I go for the kill and will hurt Ralph’s feelings along with every party of his that’s involved. I’m not an animal. I just don’t play when it comes to mine. Ralph hurt my best friend to the core and I saw the pain that she went through so that’s why I do not like him. Understandable? Good.

How to Know If He’s Not Your Man

My best friend dated Ralph from 6th grade until 12th grade. You guys do the math. I’m a blogger, not a mathematician. Basically, it was a long time. Throughout the relationship, Ralph put my best friend through it. I won’t go into details but let’s just say, he is still on my shit list till this day. The break up was bad. I’m talking about, planning to ride out and destroy a few things. After that, they went their separate ways – literally. My best friend doesn’t even live in Texas anymore. Ralph may have physically moved on but mentally, he is still attached to my best friend. She was his first “true love”. I can’t blame him for being stuck with her. She’s a great girl and she was loyal until the end. This simple person is almost 30 (if I’m doing the math correctly). No matter who he’s with, he always feels the need to bring up my best friend to his mate. When he does that, he makes his new chick feel insecure. This time, his new broad is pregnant. He already has a 2-year-old daughter with another chick. So now, this is baby #2.

But anyways, there is a point to all of this back story. I had to catch y’all up. The text messages from my best friend were telling me how Ralph has another baby on the way from a totally different female and she sent me screenshots of the pictures that they recently had taken. She was cracking up at the situation because that could have been her life. I mean, I don’t blame her for laughing. The girl looks like a plush pal version of her so it’s a bit comical. They made little T-shirts announcing baby #2. His shirt read, “Now daddy will need 2 shotguns” or something to that nature. If he had an IQ higher than 85, then he would know that all he needed was 1 shotgun and 2 bullets. Bless his heart. Maybe I’ll start being nice to him one day *hair flip*.

She proceeded to tell me that his pregnant girlfriend messaged her to tell her that she needed to respect their relationship and she was pregnant. She was tired of always hearing Ralph talk about how great she is. She was also tired of hearing his cousin talk about how my bestie is his true love. To me, that sounded like a personal problem. 

You mean to tell me that you’re sitting there and allowing him to disrespect you like that while you’re pregnant with his child? You are carrying his seed and he is telling you how great his ex is?  Girl BYE. It couldn’t be me. That’s not your man.

Now let me say this, my best friend doesn’t want Ralph. She hasn’t wanted him for a long time. Matter of fact, she is low-key in love with someone else (that I actually approve of).

How to Know If Your Man Isn’t Over His Ex

But anyway, like I was saying…she may be pregnant and in love with Ralph but Ralph is not her man. Ralph belongs to the universe. The reason I say this is because he did similar non-sense to my best friend. Ralph is nobody’s man. Ralph is for everybody. He may mean the world to the chick he’s with at the time but the chick is only a part of his world. A person who belongs to the world isn’t necessarily a bad person. They just don’t belong to anyone in particular.

Ralph is the type of guy who can never be faithful to a woman no matter how great she is. I don’t blame him fully. He had a really rough childhood and he didn’t have anyone to teach him how to love. My best friend was the closest thing that he had to stability and consistency growing up. She was there for him. She was loyal to him. There are things that she was there for that no one can compete with. Nobody can erase their history. Of course, he will always love her. The girlfriend’s that he’s had over the years don’t see it that way. They don’t stop and try to see why they aren’t together anymore. If she’s a great girl and he loves her then why aren’t they together? Instead, they do the imaginable. They go after my best friend because they see her as a  threat.

They think that since they told her to stop talking to him then that would fix the issue. The problem isn’t their casual conversations. The problem isn’t her. The problem is him. Any man who can fix his lips to tell his current girlfriend/the woman that he lives with/the woman who’s carrying his child that his ex-girlfriend is basically the one who has his heart isn’t the one she needs at all. That’s super childish. If he was smart then he would know that stuff like that will put stress on her and his child. And to constantly do it is beyond childish.

Don’t brush off his actions. His actions will tell you everything that you need to know. If he steps beyond that and literally tells you what you need to hear then you need to listen. Hear him loud and clear. Don’t go after the female. You’re not dating the female. You need to take the issues up with the man. He’s your problem.

I had to tell y’all that story. The idea of the blog post clicked when my bestie told me that the girl came at her like she was the problem. I guess because I know for a fact that my best friend doesn’t want him. She is a very forgiving person and she still has casual conversations with people who have hurt her in the past. I’m not talking about full-blown, deep conversations but casual. You would have to be really special for her to forgive that person and not have her guard up towards that person.

There are more signs that will let you know that he is not your man such as:

  1. He shows signs that he’s not that into you like you’re into him
  2. He never wants to go anywhere in public with you
  3. There’s always an excuse about why he can’t commit
  4. His track record with women

I hope you guys enjoyed my story and personal advice 🙂